My love for myself does not depend on what I do, say, or feel in any given moment
My love for myself does not depend on how much I help you or offer you security
My love for myself does not depend how safe you feel in your body when you greet my energy, for I am not responsible for your healing
My love for myself just is, because love is the only thing we can depend on
This has been a big lesson of my reclamation journey for the past year—learning to let go of the responsibility I carry to make everyone around me secure, especially if it means draining my own resources, energy, health, money, magic, and silencing my voice as a result. Because the truth is that that responsibility to provide security for everyone else robs me of my authentic expression. It holds back so much of me out of a fear of triggering others and making them feel unsafe in their disregulated response to life. Because my energy, my searing clarity, my heart’s expression, and voice can often be very triggering to people, because it cuts through mystery. Because it pulls you out of the illusion of safety and guides you to true freedom, which is actually where your true security can be harvested.
It is no surprise that this has been my deepest unexpressed fear in my work and life—my fear of triggering others into disregulation. But I have been learning more than ever in this last year that a fear of triggering people silences and hurts myself, and takes me out of my power. So my intention lately has been to feel safe to show up fully in myself, in my fullest, boldest expression, in deservingness of love and receiving just because I am love (not if you get me, not if you like what I have to say, and not if i make you feel safe).
And I have been inquiring deeper, what would be on the other side of this fear and hesitation if I allowed myself to release the responsibility of other people’s triggers and reactions?
We can be safe and secure in ourselves to hold sacred space, but that does not always mean we will create safety and security together with another. All beings are responsible for their own reactions and responses. I am responsible for any lack of security that gets triggered in me when I greet another, a memory, or a fear. As are you. We are all just mirrors reflecting our wounds to one another. But these fears and insecurities are not absolute truth. Only love is. These triggers are energetic information that can bring us back to love if we let them. They can teach us what we are needing to face, sit with, let go of, liberate, bring a voice to, and free.
It is never actually about the other person, it is always about ourself and the work we choose to do to heal and evolve. As my dear wise sister Olivia said to me recently “Your only role is to facilitate your own experience and trust and allow that the other will facilitate their own experience…” which is just it. Let us not forget we in a simulation of our own creation. We are creating in every moment, we must learn to focus on our own experience and know that this is our greatest responsibility and purpose in life. To show up as the lead of our own story…safe, secure, whole, in truth… and love ourselves all the way there. And from this whole place, we will naturally create more safety and security on this planet.