I Lost All My Hair

Hi beloveds,

Not unlike many other women in the past year, I lost half of my already fine/thin hair
due to telogem effluvium after having covid in early December. Any shock to the body or an illness that depletes and traumatizes your system (birth/death in any form) can lead to this in following months, combined with the crown cleansing energetics of covid, and heightened stress of recent years, this is now a reality for so many.

When my hair began shedding I honored it as another part of the death process covid initiated—which was DEEP and POWERFUL. I was ok with letting go of some of the old weight I held in my hair…I said goodbye to marriage, old versions of self, relationships, and old ways of showing up in the world as I pulled the strands from my head anytime I washed my hair. That is, until the piles of strands turned into ratted clumps and I began seeing bald spots as the shedding rapidly increased as I accelerated my creative path.

For a month I went deep into the natural remedies I knew of to tend to my hair loss: Rosemary/nettles hair rinse, this herbal oil, that herbal serum, rose quartz crystal comb scalp massage, fermented rice water, other old folk remedies, bringing more ease to my thoughts and peace to my mind…but things only seemed to get worse, especially through the physical stress and labor of moving again the same week we launched our retreat. When I approached this shedding with any form of control, I was shown that surrendering the ego to the soul was the only way through. Fixing is never the cure—sacred deaths needs depth, listening, and heart presence.

I had a beautiful client come in at the very start of my hair loss journey for a Soul Tattoo session. In her session I saw a vision of her getting a ceremonial haircut to shed weight that she was carrying in her hair from the past, particularly around a past relationship and grief activated through the death portal and loss the relationship initiated (sound familiar?) I didn’t recognize it in the moment as the version of self in my ceremonies is deeply tuned into my clients and being a vessel for how spirit wants to speak to them, but this message was absolutely for me, too. My client responded with how this felt vulnerable because she had been losing a lot of hair after having covid. Me too.

Just like nature, new growth cannot sprout without clearing space. Just like life cannot emerge without death. Just like roses bloom with seasonal pruning. This stimulates new growth. And new life is awaiting for so many of us on the other side of the death descent we’ve journeyed into…letting go of what does not serve, what we do not desire, what is no longer ours to hold, what is holding us back from the seeds of life we are destined to grow.

So I swallowed my own medicine and chopped all my hair off, confronted conditioned beliefs I have around my feminity, beauty, identity, and came into a new, deeper, feminine power, not bound by superficial standards, attachments, and the resistance of the maiden within. And the shedding stopped instantly. I am a mother, priestess, mystic, seerer, writer, creatress, a wise, strong, powerful voice and unique face of the divine feminine. And none of that is because of my hair, but all of it is because I choose to surrender to the infinite chaos and creation of life—death, rebirth, death, rebirth. Sung by the song of my soul.

I have released so many attachments through having covid: childhood grief, ancestral grief, family health patterns, many relationships, old identities, old perspectives, outdated karmic patterns, and beliefs about myself and others…only to arrive at this space where I was faced with completely detaching from the ego self to embrace my inner soul essence above all: love.

And in this space is where I lead. It is the space I write from. Teach from. Guide from. Create from. Its the space I reflect to you in my sessions. It is the space where my soul resides. It is a space we all have access to. We just have to greet the face of the destructive feminine from time to time to set her free.

Me and my crown are rebuilding now. New beliefs, perspectives, awarenesses, and dreams are growing up from tiny seeds planted long, long ago. I let the sun charge her up and the moon wind her down as she bridges me to heaven. And the tree with deep roots where the strands of my tiresome over-dyed locks are buried will bare fruit soon, awakening an abundance of new life to nourish the new life within me. Until then, we sing to uplift and strengthen the heart who has leapt into the unknown time and time again. Because vulnerable new life needs courage to bloom.

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