Ever since I stepped into my power and purpose in the world I have been dealing with so-called “haters” and those threatened by me and my work. Though at the root this is not about me at all, people love to project their wounds on a strong woman. Most people consider me soft but strong, gentle, and sweet, but my energy is naturally disruptive and transformative. I dimmed myself and my power for most of my life because of a fear of being disliked, because feeling others’ anger, envy, and resistance towards me hurt too much. That is, until I learned to love everyone anyway, and love myself even more.
In 2017, I started receiving a lot of unexpected press opportunities for my Soul Tattoo® practice. One of which was a press video for an online fashion/lifestyle publication that went viral. 11 million views in a week. The video was a produced video of me sitting with a client (who worked for the website who was putting this video together) and channeling her Soul Tattoo. I was nervous throughout the whole thing. It was the first time I was really being seen in my work in this way. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share my work, and I also wasn’t sure if the world was ready to witness my unique formula of spiritual tattooing that I channeled on a full moon in my apartment in Brooklyn as a 20-something psychic medicine woman.
In this session, I gently but clearly reflected to the client that she wasn’t aligned or happy with her job (awkward) and that it would be good for her to trust herself and follow her desires to find something more aligned. Turned out that a year later the whole company dissolved and she was nice and cozy in her new job she transitioned to shortly after our meeting. I was timid in telling her what I saw, knew, and heard, so I held back a little, afraid of making anyone in the room upset. And to express my gifts to their fullest on video? Just give me the stake and the flames now. But I also needed to face my fear if I ever wanted to normalize my work and liberate the voice, wisdom, and power of the feminine.
I woke up the morning after the video had been posted and checked my email and Instagram. I was on the west coast at the time so people on the east coast and other parts of the world already had plenty of time to watch, judge, and be triggered by my expression. What I found in my inbox, IG comments, and direct messages were some of the cruelest expressions of black magic projected onto me that I had ever personally witnessed. I had male tattoo artists in Australia saying they were going to come find me in the states and ruin my career and life. I had death threats. I had white people telling me I was appropriating cultures I wasn’t even familiar with. Sacred Tattooing is indigenous to my own lineage. It is connected to all lineages, truly, and before we humans received it, it belonged to the stars. To deny this is to deny collective consciousness. This is like saying that drumming or weaving only belongs to one tribe at one time in the world and that it never was created by a cosmic creative channel of a human with a soul song that flowed through them. I had other tattoo artists saying I was scamming people, defacing people’s bodies, that their toddlers drew better than me, and I was doing satanic work. I even had a parody channel on youtube make a video making fun of me within weeks, that was so well produced and shot, I didn’t even realize it was a parody until I asked my lawyer if we should send them a letter for using my trademarked Soul Tattoo name. Back then, I was so naive to the triggering a woman could cause by being in her power and being brave to be different.
After digesting all of this I was wrecked. I didn’t know a single person at the time who could resonate with this kind of trolling and backlash (other than my ladies Lilith, Mary Magdalene, etc!). On the first day I felt alone and victimized. I laid in the bed at my friend’s condo I was staying at in L.A. and sobbed. Until the voice of my soul sung through beneath the wounded ego and said “If you want to be seen, you need to be comfortable with being seen.” “If you believe in the medicine of your work, believe in it.” I wiped off my tears and went on to film another viral video a few months later, and eventually a viral Snapchat series that was aired in 2019. I didn’t say yes to these things out of a desire to share my work necessarily, but a desire to visibly stand in my power and get over the fear of being ridiculed, misunderstood, canceled, or worse from being a defiant woman doing the work my soul was guiding me to do in the world. I said yes to pave the path for other feminine, intuitive, tattoo artists to come after me. To lead this work to becoming normalized, respected, and valued in an otherwise male-dominated, toxic industry. I am not afraid to go first and initiate the healing and transformation needed to create more love and unity. In fact, my soul doesn’t know another way to show up and express myself in the world.
This hasn’t been the last of my “haters” along my path. It often shifted back and forth from mainstream trolling, especially within the male-dominated tattoo industry, to women in my life I once called friends who became so threatened by my authority that anytime I stood in my power instead of letting them lead, I would be ostracized and projected upon to justify their own shadows instead of choosing love and transformation. Being a leader may be lonely in the beginning as you learn to stand in your power and claim your truth above all, but it’s the only way to call in your soul tribe.
As I spend time writing my next book and preparing for the Voice of Magdalene retreat, I am finding myself with less of a filter and more of a fiery tongue with a desire to share my truth and magic in bigger and bolder ways. With all that is expanding with my work, I find myself ready to lift up this powerful, transformative healing modality to the faces of the mainstream tattoo industry in ways I used to tremble in fear of persecution when I thought about it.
At the same time, I hope to help put a stop to the way people, especially women, tear down women through words and projections. I have been lighting a spell candle for curses my friend Xenia surprised me with when she was visiting me this Spring. As I light it I ask my guides for any spells, curses, hexes, and cords of attachment threaded by the voices of others to detach and dissolve now so only my soul voice remains. Xenia also wrote a blog post about me in 2017 where she lovingly wrote “When we say negative things, even negative words, it is a form of black magic. It is energetically harmful. It is akin to putting a hex on someone. We should all feel empowered to criticize systems and entities that are harmful, but to judge and criticize one another without healing, rehabilitation or better understanding in mind simply puts more black magic into the ether for all of us.”
Love and clear choice are what protects us from the spells and curses other projects onto us with their words. I am learning more and more on my path to not choose to be affected by this narrative, and to choose my peace above all. I am learning to love those who think ill of me more and more as I grow on my path and do the courageous work to stand more and more in my power without censoring and control. There will always be a polarity of darkness up against the light in the world until we all learn to face and integrate the darkness within and let our own inner light shine free. The light of your love and your truth are your greatest protections. Love reverses hexes. Love deflects criticism. Love lets you be free.
P.S. If you catch yourself thinking negatively about another woman, or judging her for being herself in the world, take a deep breath and send her love in that moment. When you are done, send yourself the same love. Let love soften you and see all through the eyes of the feminine heart.